Just A Suggestion

Dude, really.  I know you're incredibly busy (the Bluetooth attachment tells me so), but do you really need to eat your breakfast at the doctor's office?  And say you missed that memo... if it's absolutely necessary that you do need to gain your nourishment there, does it behoove you to slurp and make such disgusting eating noises?  I mean, you're already the loudest person in the room.  We're already aware of you and rolling our eyes at your conversation.  What kind of attention are you looking for amongst a room full of ill strangers?

And dude?  While I've got you, just a little observation for you.  If you woke up to find out someone had pierced both your ears, you're entirely too fucking drunk.  Telling your daughter about it in front of all of us probably wasn't the smartest thing you did either, but your intelligence level has already been broadcast without you having to take an IQ test.

And another thing.  Am I the only person in the world who actually gets dressed to go out in public, let alone the doctor's office?  Yeah, I understand you aren't feeling well.  Poor you.  I'd pet your head if I didn't feel so terrified of catching whatever it is that makes you so lazy.  Put on some fucking clothes.  If you're too sick to get out of pajamas, you need to be seen at the hospital.  How did you get here, anyway?  Did you drive yourself?  Walk here?  Did you somehow make it under your own power or did an ambulance pick you up?  I thought so. Take off your goddamn pajamas, then.  Make that tiniest effort, you show that runny nose who's boss.  I really don't want to see your Hello Kitty flannels, although I appreciate the thought.

One last thing: We can hear you when you yell in the "private" little room.  That's right!  We can.  The little kids afraid of needles or throat swabs can get away with it, but you can't.  Screaming I don't want to hear about it!  I just want to know what's going on, okay? makes you look like a moron, you gaping asshole.  It matters not that you've taken up four appointments, we don't care that you've made all of us wait an entire hour past our own appointment times... we will have no sympathy for you when you emerge.  Don't smile at us.  You won't like what we will tell you to do with that smile.

That is all.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming, already in progress.