16 posts tagged “friends”

I cannot tell you what it is like to watch, helpless, as a neighbour family's entire lives go -- literally -- up in flames.

I tried to help as much as I could, but there was nothing I could do except stand back and offer what assistance I was able to.  I took photos because I knew I'd have to bring my own kids past this horror and that they'd have heard and seen things from the school, and be frightened.  They were.  My youngest had been crying and most of the kids thought it was their house on fire.  So I brought my camera with me and showed them one of the photos, telling them that they were safe and to be prepared for what they were going to see.  They were relieved but still very tense, and when we got to the house I showed them how the firemen (and women!) were keeping track of who was where, how they put on their oxygen tanks, how they checked for hot spots, and why they were pulling down bricks and poking things with long poles.  There were hundreds of people out watching and I met quite a few people, including one fireman's wife (who totally understands my thing for guys in uniform) named Beth.  She answered a lot of my own questions about what they were doing, and we talked about my fears that someone would get killed going in there at night (they have a night patrol person to stay).

There was at least one person in the house, and all got out safely. They all lost everything.  It's such a tragedy, but they still have each other... as unkind as it may seem to say it, the house and treasured things they lost are nothing compared to what it would be like to lose one of their loved ones.

The whole community has tried to come together and help out, I know they have family and many friends in the area who are doing all they can for them as well.  If you have any suggestions of what I can do (my neighbours have made me the contact person for them, because I am friends with the gal who took them in while all this was happening), please let me know.

And while I've got your ear, please say a little thank you for the rescue workers and volunteers who put their lives in danger for us.  They are true heroes, no two ways about it.  Hug your family and thank whatever powers that be that they are safe.

Well, not that I don't already have a job... several, actually.  Plus I do that whole "mom" thing on top of the work-at-home situation.  So really, I guess instead of saying I got a job, maybe I should say I am getting a vacation away from the house.

This should be fun.  The kids won't miss me at all, I'm sure of it.  I'll be working with a lot of friends, and the hours are pretty flexible.  The only dent I can see is that it will be interfering with my preparations for March, which I haven't told you guys about yet because it's a pretty big deal to me, but I think you all had something to do with it.  Think ladybugs...

Anyway, I've been busy as hell getting caught up from the stuff I ignored during the Christmas holidays, barely able to turn on my email computer or visit any of my usual fun-sites.  I miss my friends at the SC.nutter forum, and my fellow Voxaholics, and I miss... Hmmm.  I don't think there's much else I miss.  Oh, maybe the Pac-Man at Netvibes.  I do miss that.

I have been back inworld at Second Life the past few weeks, though, as my wee biz is now situated in a new (and very busy) shoppe that has taken me on an entirely new adventure.  So if you're thinking of visiting SL at all, let me know! :)  Would be nice to catch up.

I have been doing a lot of songwriting lately.  I hope to have a few of them ready to upload very soon, so you can send me your feedback on it.  I don't know why I've been doing so much of it lately, other than perhaps it's because I haven't been writing at all, and it's all got to leak out somewhere.

So.  This is my rather turgid post about virtually nothing, which will hopefully serve to show ya'll that I'm still alive, just busy, and not able to drop in as much as I'd like.  Give me a poke with a long stick if you get the chance and let me know you're still out there too!

You might remember way back in August when I wrote about my friend Sue and the giant quilt I made for her, gathered from squares stitched by her friends.  She had been profoundly ill, but recovering in small steps... her daughter had  been murdered with no resolution but she was dealing with it... and when I posted here, she had just gotten married and was absolutely iridescent with happiness.

Just a few minutes ago I found out that she'd had another surgery, developed complications, and died a few days before Christmas.

I still have all the photos of the blocks, all the photos of every envelope that came to me in the mail for Sue, and the picture she had taken of herself wrapped up in the motley thing.  The grape-purple backing and binding, sent by Constance, so much of it that there were leftovers: I thumbed through the other day it while trying to set up my new studio.

I can't believe I had sent her a Christmas card that was probably delivered on the day she passed away.  This is one time, for her husband's sake, that I hope that something I sent got lost in the mail.

I know how much she treasured that quilt.  Sue let me know exactly how much, and her other friends have told me as well.  I know it was with her when she passed away. 

I hope it offered Susie a small amount of comfort during her last hours, and that her family will keep it in kind remembrance of her, knowing how many friends she had throughout the world, and how much she was loved by them.  It seemed like such a small thing, at the time, this little gesture from many hearts and hands... a tactile gift of faith and friendship.  But now I believe (and hope!) this adored quilt can serve a different purpose: of comforting those who have lost someone they loved.

I miss her, even though I'm still in shock, and almost can't believe it's true.  Blessings to you, Susie, and your loved ones.

...but first, a big milestone Happy Birthday to Mr. Boris, my soulmate, my best friend, my secret lover, my old man.

Happy Birthday, Smike.  I love you big much.  Thank you for being my life, for giving me our beautiful family, and for being the kind and supportive guy my friends envy so much.

And now!  For special birthday dinner!

Et cetera!

After the last Police concert in Toronto, at the end of July, things changed for me in a big way.  A lot of things I hadn't thought about, or thought through, had suddenly clicked for me.  I knew there was something huge out there waiting for me, but until this summer I wasn't sure what.  When my ducks lined up, I was ready and waiting to shoot them. 

As a result, I've met quite a few new friends, some very astounding people.  These friends will converge in a few days with even more new people, and we'll all be heading to yet another Police concert.  This time, I'm a willing participant in going :)

I have never gone to a band's shows more than once; not even in all of my years as a Depeche Mode fan has it occurred to me that it was even possible (or desirable).  This year I'll be seeing the Police up to three times -- which is nothing compared to the dozens of die-hard fans who are criss-crossing the planet to go to as many concerts as their sanity and pocketbook will allow.  Still, I'm honoured to actually have the chance to make it to this second go around, to make "I'm not worthy" gestures at the flag, and hang out with girls who SQUEE over Their Boys.  I love my husband, but he does not squee.

I'll be uploading my cellphone photos to my Flickr account, and hoping that my wee camera makes it into the stadium without any notice.  I think the seats are going to give us great viewing access to Stewart's points, and if so you'll be one of the first to know. 

Wish me luck... I am likely to get lost, and miss the whole thing just wandering around like a dazed moron.

Hey.

I've been out of commission for the past week, and I had to skip my weekly scare-up-to-Hallowe'en music post, as well as several other things I wanted to tell you guys.  Right now I'm just hoping to make it past the middle of the week without losing my mind.

I had three songs left to add, one last Wednesday and two on the actual spooktacular date, so I'll just add a song a day instead.  Seems like I've got quite a bit of catching up to do with everyone, but it's great that I can just click and find you right at home.

If I'm not out getting my #*$#)! iPod replaced (I hate this thing, seriously, I cannot hide my feelings any longer... I hate this thing because it does not work) then I'll be hanging out with you guys.  Hope to see you around...

xo ~M.

It's almost bedtime, and I can't quite get over a dream I had very early this morning.

Seems so ridiculous to still be thinking about it, a dozen or more hours after the fact, something that didn't even happen.  Or exist.

I know dreams mean a lot to some people, but I loathe talking to people about them.  I don't like discussing their dreams and I certainly don't want to tell them about mine.  If my dreams mean anything at all, I can usually figure it out just by describing them to myself using words... they seem so ethereal, so meaningless, until I spell it out for myself what happened.  Then I know what my head's been working on. 

Dreams are weird in that they don't always flow from one area to the next very freely: when someone says, "And then, somehow, I ended up..." my eyes glaze over.  I made a vow to myself that I would never discuss my dreams with anyone when I read in a book that this topic is one of three ways to make yourself into a truely avoidable person.

So why am I here, talking about dreams, although in a more general way?  I don't know.

The dream I had was about someone I don't know, have never met, and probably will never have the pleasure of knowing.  He was murdered.  It was terrible, how it affected me while I was sleeping, and worse... is affecting me still.

Maybe it's because some of my friends have been debating the idea that because they didn't know Princess Diana personally, it doesn't mean they are heartless that they didn't feel affected by her death.

Maybe it's because last night before I went to bed I opened up a photo I was sent, of my friend Di, who is skeletal and living her last days through her cancer.  It was akin to seeing Tammy Faye during the Larry King interview a few days before she passed away: shocking, sad, bared.

Flawed, naked, but beautiful and still shining with a soul: completely human, which is something nobody really wants to see.  I think we all know there's a man behind the curtain but we ignore it, and when completely real things are shoved in our faces we pretend we've forgotten he was there all along.

I'm still off-kilter because of a dream I had last night, and I'm a little afraid of what tonight will bring.

I'm just getting caught up on a bunch of things.  It's been quite the summer: big family barbecues, concerts, parties, friends, kids, vacation, house renovations.  So logging in today I got quite a shock.

Last summer, my friend H. went out in a boat with his son-in-law, E.  They never returned.  The authorities searched, the families searched, special groups were formed to search, strangers who never met these men searched, but all that turned up was the empty boat.  The family offered a reward for any info.  Still nothing.  We waited and prayed and lit candles.  There were no bodies.  After many days, long after most people would have, we gave up hope that they were still alive.

Eventually, the body of H. washed ashore.  We grieved, and hoped that we'd soon have word on his son-in-law, E.  Now we do.

We still don't know exactly what happened.  I'm filled with sorrow for his family, but grateful that they have this closure.  They have begun a trust fund, through donations, for E.'s three small children left behind. 

My own family, who risk their lives doing volunteer search and rescue for the Canadian Coast Guard Auxilliary, are often called to go out and find strangers who are lost.  E. himself was a volunteer paramedic for Toronto's Jewish Emergency Response Service, Hatzolah.  If you could take a moment today and give a silent thanks (or offer up a little prayer) for the firemen, paramedics, search and rescue, and other volunteers who put their lives in danger to save the lives of people we love... I would be eternally thankful.

I just heard from my friend L. that another friend of mine, Diana, is dying.

She had breast cancer that travelled into her bones, then her brain.  She's been admitted to hospital with pneumonia, her family is with her, and she has just brief moments of lucidity.

It looks like this might be it.

I've had great difficulty dealing with Di's illness and how it's progressed, because I watched helplessly as my husband's mom passed away in the exact same manner.  To hear today that Diana is almost over her struggles brings me absolutely no relief.  I am hurting for Di, and especially for her family: I know what they are going through, and I know what's coming up next for them.

Di has a great family, so many friends, and a boundless spirit.  She will not be forgotten.

Hug someone you love today, extra hard.

It's been a pretty great summer.  I get outside a lot, the house is tidy and organized, and I've been partying or just going out with my friends often (it's soooo much harder during the Months That Are Not Summer).  I even got to sew, making quilt blocks for Pat Sloan's batik swap.  I also have 50 people that I've reconnected with on Facebook, each one someone I thought I'd lost forever, and I'm dazzled by the emotions of getting caught up with everyone again.  My kids love the homemade ice cream and  popsicles I make for them, they are involved in some book groups that keep them busy, and they love visiting with family and friends.  Life is damn good.

I even get to be online, too, although it doesn't really seem like it (once the power goes out and takes my computer with it, I don't generally turn it back on again for several days -- sometimes weeks).  The only thing that seems strange to me about my online time is that I'm not that into Second Life anymore. 

Second Life was like, HUGE.  I spent hundreds of hours creating, visiting new places, shopping, running my stores, hanging out and laughing my butt off with my friends.  I was so crazy about being there, excited to be doing so many cool things that there would be no chance of ever happening in my "real" life (like watching authentic Victorian trains from a balcony while they mozey down their track).  It was nuts, but in a good way.  Thrilling.

Then I found when I logged on, I was not as thrilled any more.  Was it the constant updates?  The downtime on Wednesdays?  The bitching about making people pay for age verification and the uproar about exactly why that was required?  Any of the other debates that have happened since?  I don't know for sure.  I would log on, and put on my Lucky Chair hat, and hop around to different places, hoping that I'd find something new and interesting to spark my second love-life.

I didn't.

I took a mini-vacation from the place, and when I returned I found that things had changed mightly in those few short days.  Places that had been well-established were pulled up and gone.  Friends were off doing other things, in places I'd never heard of.  My Lucky Chair hat wasn't working at all.  It was like I'd missed more than just several days... it was more like years.

Yes, I know how quickly things change in the virtual world.  I know how fast you can bond with someone just by typing with them for a few hours.  I know that the whole basis of Second Life is to make it your own personal experience.  So why do I not give a shit whether I ever return or not???

I tried doing the Big People Barbie thing.  I changed my clothes around, I put on new hair, dressed myself up in jewels and Sock Monkey dolls.  I looked through my inventory for something to inspire me: something I'd created but left unfinished, landmarks I'd neglected, funny stuff like the dancing head-pig to crack me up. 

Nothing.

So, I'm asking if you've ever experienced this.  If not, did you ever find that when you logged on you were in a strange place full of giant changes, like I did?  If so... what did you do to get your Second Life groove back?

Did you want it back?  Did it COME back, if you did?

I am at a complete loss on this one.  Any ideas, thoughts, or a room for a Second Life Lost support group would be appreciated.